Summer Chores

School is out and summer is officially here. It's day 1, the motivation is high and my "summer sanity strategy" is in full swing.

Part one of my strategy involves chores. I pulled out the post-its this morning and started the lists. It's how we do things. Their lists are portable, sticky, always changing and when we happen to be out of the house for the morning, they are easy to skip. I have tried chore charts in the past, but its hard for me to be consistent. My kids love the variety of a daily, ever-changing list they can check off and I like the flexibility.

The challenge can be figuring out what to put on their lists each day.

We have a few standards:  make bed/pick-up clothes and say memory verse are daily. A few school activities (we rotate between math workbooks, writing, and reading) are always included. And at least one, sometimes two "chores" complete the daily post-it note.

The "chores" part has me racking my brain at times. I have my master list, which helps, but I am always looking for new ideas.

Here are a few things my kids will be doing this summer, I'd love to hear your "chore" ideas in the comments.

Big Kids (ages 7-10)

• Vacuuming rooms
• Cleaning bathrooms (I sometimes separate this into just the tub, or sinks and toilets)
• Dusting
• Pulling Weeds
• Sweeping off front/back porches
• Cleaning windows on the front/back doors
• Cleaning/sweeping out the van
• Sweeping out the garage
• Emptying dishwasher

Little Kids (ages 4-5)

• Wiping down baseboards
• Dusting stair rails
• Picking up 
• Watering plants
• Sweeping off front/back porches
• Vacuuming rooms
• Dusting

My expectations on the quality of work is lower for the "littles," and often involves "training" but they have to start somewhere and often surprise me at how well they do. 

Post-it note chore lists work for me and at our house indicate summer is here! 

The Early Days

I remember when we first brought our daughter home, the uncertainty of what to do in certain situations was so great I felt like we were starting from scratch, newbies in the parenting realm. Clueless.

The reality is, we were starting from scratch because parenting an adopted child added a gaggle of new layers to the parenting gig we were used to.

Our biological children have never experienced trauma or rejection or abandonment  They have a felt safety with us that has never really been challenged. So, when they act out or misbehave, most likely the root of that behavior is fairly straight-forward: i.e. they are selfish little boogers like the rest of us. 

And while our adopted kiddos fall into that same category, there is simply more to it. They have experienced trauma and rejection and abandonment. They have felt unsafe in a big way, whether that was as a newborn or toddler or an older child. Those kinds of life experiences make an impact.

So when one of my adopted kiddos acts out, the root of their behavior could be attributed to the fact that they are selfish little boogers, or it could be something more. Something like fear. Fear of being rejected or abandoned again, because no matter how long they have felt safe with us, that fear is hard to let go and can manifest itself in strange, subtle and frustrating ways.

The fear still shows up in our daughter from time to time, but the uncertainty of how to respond is less than when we began. Maybe the lines have become a little less blurred as she is able to express herself more. Maybe (thanks to readings, DVDs, classes) we know a little more.

Whatever the reason (a little of all of the above I'm sure), when she is upset, the cause of the behavior is easier to nail down and on our good days, we deal with it more effectively. The cause may be fear (or something else related to her past), or it may be typical 5 year old behavior, but our experience with her over the years gives us a clearer direction of what to do.  

Over the weekend we went out to eat as a family. While we were waiting for our food Zak became quiet. When the food came he refused to eat. When it was time to leave he didn't want to go. He resisted when I went to put him in his car seat.

It brought back those feelings from when we brought Suhn home. Feeling unsure of what to do or how to handle the situation. Wondering what the root cause of the behavior was? Is this adoption related? Was there a trigger in the restaurant that reminded him of something in China? Is this a grieving moment? Why didn't he eat? What should I do???

It turns out that he wanted a milk shake and when I told him no, he decided not to eat until he got the milkshake and when we left he realized he really wanted to eat. We figured it out, gave him his food, had ice cream when we got home and all was well with the world again. In this case, I really believe it was more along the "typical" 4-year old behavior lines than fear-based acting out, but it can be really hard to tell the difference.

Especially in the beginning, when the wounds are fresh and the communication is lacking. 

Thankfully, this time around it doesn't feel quite as scary or overwhelming. Experience is a beautiful thing, and we feel better equipped and less uncertain. Even so, the same mantra holds true from our first days as adoptive parents to today: one day at a time; one foot in front of the other; and lots of prayer!

Interested in learning more? Below are a few resources we have found extremely helpful in our adoptive parenting journey:

• www.empoweredtoconnect.org  This website is FULL of resources, articles, recommended readings, videos and information about the Empowered to Connect conferences. If you are an adoptive parent, you should go to one of their conferences. I guarantee it will be worth it.
• The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis
• The Whole Brain Child by Daniel Siegel
• Wounded Children, Healing Homes by Jayne Schooler
• Talking with Young Children about Adoption by Mary Watkins, Susan Fisher
• TCU Healing Families DVD Series

Encourage them to Go

This series has taken a little longer than I thought it would. If you have stuck with me throughout, thank you!!

This last one is one of the most important:

#10 Don't Squelch or Limit what God is doing in the lives of your Kids

At Vacation Bible School last summer, the kids were trying to raise money for a local charity. As we were getting read to go to one of the last classes, one of my kids came down with his piggy bank, proceeded to take the majority of the money out and asked if he could give it to the charity that night.

It was a sweet, generous gesture.

Would you like to know what my first thought was?

I wanted to ask him if he was sure he wanted to give that much.

I wanted to limit his generosity because it felt like he was making too big of a sacrifice, you know, so he could spend that $20 on some cheap toy instead.

Thankfully, God talked me down before I talked him down. I ended up encouraging him in his giving. Even though, to my shame, I felt the desire to hold him back.

I was talking to a dear friend whose kids are grown about this topic and asked her what they did to encourage a global perspective in their kids. She told me,

I don't think we did anything specific. But, I do think that as we saw how God was growing our kids' hearts, we tried not to squelch or limit what he was doing. As parents, when we are students of our child's design, and see what their "bent" is, we want to encourage and challenge them to explore possibilities. For example, when our daughter talked about being a missionary when she was in 5th grade, we told her we thought that was great.

Frankly this can be easier said than done. Encouraging my daughter to be a missionary is one thing. But then, watching her become one and be placed in potentially dangerous situations is another. I hope when the time comes I will encourage my kids in what God has called them to no matter what I feel on the inside, even when doing so compromises their safety.

Christians are not called to live a safe life. We are called to obey where we are called to go no matter what.

When we see a call being placed on our kids, let's don't try to hold them back. Instead, let's encourage them to go.

That last sentence was the perfect place to stop, but at the risk of creating a post that is too long I want to add one more thought before I close out this series on global perspective.

You might follow all ten of these suggestions to encourage a global perspective in your kids and one hundred more and there is a chance that your kids will not care in the slightest. We can do all the right things as parents, but in the end our kids have free will. We are not responsible for what they choose. We are responsible to faithfully parent and teach our kids God's truths.

They must choose how they will live it out.

One of my kids had a small excerpt published in our local paper. The topic was "How would you spend one million dollars?" I immediately thought of all the orphans he would help. Instead he wrote this:

"I would buy a Nerf sword and Nerf gun. I would buy lots of toys at garage sales."

It is a hilarious answer and even if the thought of giving money away did not enter his sweet head, at least he was being frugal with his purchases. We do our best to teach and broaden his perspective, but in the end it is up to him to choose.

Thanks again for following along with this little series. If you have any additional ideas to share, please do! I appreciate every comment you have made. So many of you are living this out and I am so thankful for the examples you are to me as we journey on together.

Pray

#5 Pray.

It is one of the simplest and maybe the most profound way you can encourage a global perspective in your child.

Pray as a family for the world.

Does that sound overwhelming? Or bring up questions like How?

I have a few resources that will help:

1. Window on the World is a book that shares over 90 countries and people groups with its readers. We are currently reading through it as part of our family devotions at dinner time. Each page shares the story of a child in a specific country or people group along with a little bit about that country and specific ways you can pray for each people group.

Sometimes we are consistent in our family devotions and make it through several people groups a week, and sometimes we only make it through one (or less). Consistency is not our strong suit.

2. If you don't want to purchase a book, consider creating your own prayer cards.

The Joshua Project has a webpage where they have already created prayer cards for many of the people groups around the world. All you need to do is print them off and pray!

Compassion International has a list of 52 ways to pray for children on their website (one for each week of the year). If you need the names of specific children to pray for, visit the child sponsorship pages of Compassion and World Vision.

I often underestimate the power of prayer. But the truth is, prayer is probably the most effective thing we can do to make a difference in the world. It is something our young children can do, it is something we can do together as families. We may not see the difference our prayers make this side of heaven, but I believe someday we will be amazed when we hear how those prayers were used to change the world.

Your turn:  How does your family utilize the power of prayer?

Number 2,3, and 4

Moving right along.

#1 we talked about on Wednesday, encouraging a global perspective in your kids starts with encouraging a global perspective in yourself.

Numbers 2 - 4 are a little more on the practical side. Some of you have already shared your own lists in the comments. THANK YOU and keep'em coming!!

#2:  Encourage your Kids to Read or Read to Them.

Honestly, I believe this can include just about any type of book. While on the surface Dr. Seuss may not seem to encourage global thinking, a love of reading might.

(then again, one of my favorite quotes right now comes from Dr. Seuss: "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better, its not!")

Dr. Noble of Summit Ministries has been known to say, "If you want to be a leader, you have got to be a reader." If you instill in your kids a love of reading their perspective will enlarge.

Some books to focus them on a more global/missional mindset:  YWAM's Christian Heroes Then and Now. They have a series for more advanced readers (9 and up) and one for younger readers (4-6). Faith-building stories of men and women like George Mueller, Mary Slessor and Corrie Ten Boom.

If magazines or a website would keep your kid's attention better, Voice of the Martyrs has a website/blog for kids and Compassion has a magazine.

#3: Display a World Map

Here is ours.

We have push pins in all of the countries we have some kind of connection to, whether it be a Lifesong mission, a Compassion kid, or a missionary we know. It is a subtle thing, but there is something about seeing where you live compared to the rest of the world that gets a person thinking.

We have ours hanging in the office; the kids walk past it most days.

#4:  Find Local Events that Introduce Global Thinking

If you look for them you find them everywhere. This Sunday is Orphan Sunday, if you head to this website I  think there is a good chance you will find an event in your neighborhood this weekend. We are heading to hear a missionary family talk about their work in Guatamala tonight. Lifesong for Orphans is doing a Christmas tour with the muscial group FFH and 6 kids from the Lifesong school in Zambia (go here for the schedule). Our church put together their first (and hopefully not last) missions night last winter.

By supporting this type of event, you will introduce your kids to new cultures in a fun and interesting way.

These are all small ways you can start introducing global perspective to your kids at young ages, and hopefully as a result, you can begin to introduce the concept that the rest of the world does not live like we do in America. It takes some intentionality and time, but it is a lesson worth teaching.

I've got 6 more ways to encourage a global perspective coming, but for now, please continue to share some of yours!

Go Team Go!

I never wanted to be a cheerleader in high school. I was never good at acrobatics. I didn't like being in the lime-light. I had a quiet voice. My cheer-leading skill set was most definitely lacking.

As I've evolved over the years my cheer-leading skill-set has maintained status-quo. I'm still terrible at acrobatics, prefer to stay out of the lime-light and have a voice-volume on the lower end of the spectrum. And yet, somehow, I find myself cheering with increasing frequency. It is one of the many requirements of my job as mom, no matter how unqualified I appear to be.

As the boys learn to ride their bikes, I cheer them on.

When the kids says they can't, I encourage that they can.

I cheer when Mya plays piano at her school talent show, when Sean goes pee on the potty, and when Suhn takes steps on her own.

"Whoo Hoo!" "You did it!" "Great job!" "What a big boy!" "Go Team Go!"

Sometimes the cheering gets tired and redundant. Sometimes those I'm cheering desire me to stop. Or I want to stop. Sometimes its not appropriate (a time to cheer and a time to lament) or a dose of reality is needed instead.

But overall, it is a role I relish. Cheering my kids to do more, be more, try more is exciting. As mom, I get to be a tool that helps uncover their God-given gifts and encourage them to practice and use them. What fun! Cheer-leading may have had no appeal in high-school, but I'm loving it now!

Thankfully no acrobatics are required.

"Worry weighs us down, a cheerful word picks us up!"

Proverbs 12:25

Screendoor on a Submarine

"It's about as useless as a screen door on a submarine," Rich Mullins once sang. He was talking about faith without works, but the same could be said of arguing with a three year old.

Believe me, I know. I have LOTS of experience.

Three year olds arguing with each other is even more pointless. I have been witness to many conversations between mine, especially in the car, such as...

Suhn: My name is Suhn.

Sean: No, my name is Sean!

Suhn: NO, my name is SUHN!!

Sean: NO, MY NAME IS SEAN!!!

or

Sean: We are going to turn on my side.

Suhn: No, we are going to turn on my side!

Sean: NO, we are going to turn on MY SIDE!!

Suhn: NO SEAN, WE ARE GOING TO TURN ON MY SIDE!!!

Some times I join in: Be Quiet you two, I'm driving, I'll decide where we turn.

Many times that's the point where they decide to join forces and tell me I'm wrong.

And then a little tune pops into my head and I remember how pointless it is to argue with three year olds. You think I'd learn.

Actually you think they'd learn. How many reminders, consequences, etc. do they need to remember who the boss is? (eh-hem, that is ME just in case you had any doubt)

Someday (soon? please, please, please) they may actually figure out how pointless it is to argue with mom. Until then, I will bravely carry on, enduring the long, arduous, screen-door-on-a-submarine, I-am-right-because-I'm-three type of episodes/tantrums that come with three year olds...

...or I will keel over from the brain exhaustion that comes from listening to one too many pointless arguments.

At this point in time, I'd say its a toss-up.

Boys will be Boys

I am the oldest of three girls. I did not grow up watching the antics and stunts of little boys, although I vaguely remember the rumblings. I had exposure to boy cousins (that are still some of my closest friends today). I remember a few run ins with neighborhood boys and boys at school, but overall my interactions were limited. I heard stories about the boys I knew, but they rarely acted "that way" around me.

When I got married I heard even more stories. My husband's boyhood escapades are very entertaining and I've heard them many, many times. Especially when he is surrounded by his childhood friends. So when I found out we would be having not one, but two boys at once it was more than a little intimidating.

As our boys started to grow, I began to hear more "rumblings" from other moms. The "boys will be boys" kind of stories filled with close calls and broken limbs. Most of them innocent in nature, but dangerous none-the-less.

Yesterday we had one of our own stories to add to the overflowing pot. Minor in danger and risk, but its a start.

I missed the actual event, although Kory saw it happen. I'm still not sure of all the details, but as best I can tell the boys decided to push their race car up the slide so it could "get worked on." While one of them was holding it at the top, the other climbed in. That's when the one doing the holding decided to let go. He says it was hurting his foot.

The result of letting go was the car and driver shooting backwards down the slide, flipping over backwards and spilling its surprised contents into the yard.

Tears came for a minute, until the boy at the top of the slide started laughing. In his words it was "hysterical." It didn't take long for the stunt driver to join in.

We laughed over the story at supper, although the driver did not laugh as hard as the rest of us, the sheepish look never completely leaving his face. If you looked close, however, you could see a glint of pride at having carried out the ride successfully, even if it was unintentional. His brother thought it was the "best X games stunt ever." That helped too.

We'll see how long this stunt lasts at the top of their list. I may or may not have seen them carrying a scooter up the big slide after supper...

It's true you know, boys will be boys.

I know you've got your own boy stories, I'd love to hear them in the comments!

Book Review: If I Could Ask God Anything

If I could Ask God Anything: Awesome Bible answers for curious kids by Kathryn Slattery could be a good resource to have on your child’s book shelf. It is filled with questions on topics ranging from God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit to Christian holidays, prayer, and being a Christian. All of the questions are centered on the Christian faith. The answers are simple, bible-based with very few going longer than one page. The questions cover a wide range from things like “If God loves people why do bad things happen?” or “What is communion?” to “Help! What should I do when I feel like a church service is boring?” and “Why do we celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day with Shamrocks?”

I don’t know if this is a book your child would read cover-to-cover. I doubt it. But if your child has questions about Christianity, this could be a handy resource to own.

As I said before, the answers are simple and short, but they could be a great way to start a conversation with your child. Or if your child has a question that you are not sure how to answer (or word), you could use this book as a starting place for both of you. I believe this resource would be best used by the parent and child together.

Older kids (at least older than mine who are ages 2-7) will benefit from this more than younger ones. At this stage in life I don't see us using this book that much, BUT I have a feeling as our kids get older this book may come in handy someday.


***DISCLOSURE NOTICE: A free copy of this book was supplied to me for the purpose of review by Thomas Nelson Publishing. No monetary exchange was given. All comments and wording in this review are purely my own.

The List

How do you motivate your kids to work? To complete and learn basic house-hold tasks?

I've tried chore charts before. The problem (for me). They take thought, planning and follow-through to be effective.

Last summer we used one. I printed charts off at the beginning of every week. We were pretty consistent through most of the summer. They worked, but this summer they sounded like too much work.

So I did nothing, and my kids did very little extra work around the house (with our trip to China this summer I didn't push in this training department anyway).

But now we are home and its time to get busy!

Earlier this week a friend commented that she makes a list of jobs for her kids to complete every morning. As a listy-type of person this appealed to me. Compared to chore charts, lists are low maintenance and non-committal. If a day is extra busy, we drop the list. No problemo.

So far, so good. I make a list each morning. They complete it by lunch time. If they need extra motivation, there are no fun extracurriculars until the list is complete (or no snack/dessert item at lunch).

In an effort to keep "the list" fun, I'm trying to come up with a variety of jobs. The same-old-same-old will get old fast. Some jobs that have appeared so far are washing the door window, sweeping the front porch, emptying wastebaskets, working on math flashcards, writing and coloring activities, reading.

As sad as this sounds.. I am running out of jobs.

The list won't work without jobs.

So, what are so jobs your kids are responsible for completing? I need ideas.

Our list will thank you.

Our kids may not.

The Two Year Olds are Back!

I faintly remember doing this before, having two two-year olds in the house at one time.

And here we are again.

Sean's reaction to Suhn has been pretty close to what I expected (maybe one of the only things that has come pretty close to what I expected).

He can go from loving on her, petting and cooing, to pushing, hitting and growling in 10 seconds flat.

And Suhn's reaction to Sean?

She thinks he is hilarious. Except when he is taking her toys, getting in her face or hurting her.

To get a gauge on the frequency of Sean's shenanigans allow me to share Suhn's first English two-word phrases. She says them often and thinks she is quite hilarious when she does.

"Sean no" followed by "Sean nice" (think "Sean be nice")

They are probably the two phrases she has heard the most since joining our family.

So I'm back to refereeing two fickle, "mine"-loving, two-year olds.

(Something I never thought I'd do again.)

Two can be a hard age to have a "twin," (especially when you have spent the first years of your life without one). And yet, I have a feeling, a hunch and a prayer that as my babies grow, they are going to be the best of friends.

A Lesson from American Idol

American Idol is on again (My name is Megs and I watch American Idol.)

I will never understand the people who sound more annoying than the word mom repeated 235 times who actually think they can sing. I'm sure part of it is trying to grab a little bit of fame, but some of them seem genuinely surprised when the judges tell them their voices are terrible. They sob into their support group and rally against the judges, after all their mom told them they sing beautifully.

If Simon Cowell ever tells my kids they can't sing, I will take it personally. Here is why: It means I have let my children believe something about themselves that isn't true. If I can not be honest with my kids about the quality of their talents, or lack there of, then I have failed them at some level as a mom.

Don't get me wrong, I believe it is important to encourage my kids, especially in the areas they are gifted, but to tell my child she sings beautifully (when she doesn't and I don't want to hurt her feelings) or that he played a great game of baseball (when he struck out every time and I want him to feel better about himself) is a lie. I am only setting them up for failure and potential embarrassment down the road.

Instead, I hope God grants me the wisdom to guide them towards the areas he has gifted them in and push them towards their strengths.

Susie Larson pens a prayer in her upcoming book Growing Grateful Kids (due to be released March 1!), that resonates with me. I have taken it as my own and pray it over my kids.

It goes like this:

Give us a vision for our children's life so we can cooperate with You in its fulfillment. Give our children a heart for their call at a young age so they will make choices that line up with that call.

That is my prayer, and this has been my tirade. :)

Please keep me accountable, so that the only way my child ends up on American Idol, is because she actually has talent!

Moments of Mommyhood

"You are dumb"

"I don't want you to talk to me"

tears, giggles, sounds of happy play, tears again

"both of us are dumb"

yelling, return to happy play.

All taking place in the span of a minute.

The cycles of childhood play and sibling rivalries are a thing of wonder...

and frustration.

They are the moments of mommyhood.

Moments rarely remembered on their own. Only a handful, out of millions stand out.

To live in the moment, NOW, is the only way to take advantage of them.
For they all too quickly fade away leaving a general feeling of what was.

Take advantage of your moments today for nothing can stop their passing and you never know how many you have.

Motivating Little Boys to Pick Up Toys, the Sequel

Okay, I'll admit it, I have used this little old blog of mine (occasionally) to vent. One particular post that comes to mind had to do with two little boys who refused to pick up their room.

I'm pleased to announce we've had a little success in this area, thanks in large part...

to you!

I decided to take your comments and apply them (I know, a novel idea)

The result: their room has been...

not so disastrous!

Here are my secrets:

Secret #1: I cleaned out their room and simplified the cleaning up process. They now know that books go on the bookshelf, stuffed animals go on the bookshelf, and toys go in the white boxes. We go over this often just in case they forget.

Secret #2: This is a biggie! As long as the floor is picked up, I am happy. In other words the shelves don't have to look perfectly organized. Unstable piles of books may fall and stuffed animals might end up in dresser drawers, but if they are making the attempt, I can live with that... I am learning to be flexible (my dad would be so proud!).

Secret #3: A summer chore chart. They get to put a sticker on their chart every morning once their room is picked up. This is made more effective by an older sister who is extremely motivated by the chore chart/sticker thing. Somehow it rubs off on my two not-so-motivated boys. The fact that they get a prize from our "treasure basket" (filled with dollar-store toys) plays a small part too.

Secret #4: Being consistent (this is a tough one). As my mom used to say, the only thing she was consistent at was being inconsistent. I find this true in my own life, especially with things like discipline. BUT, my boys have found that it is easier to pick up a room that was just picked up the day before. The chore chart (and the big sister who loves collecting stickers) help A LOT with the consistency factor.

So there you have it, my "secrets" are out.

Once school starts up again, and the chore chart falls by the wayside (maybe it won't happen, but it seems that is the way of chore charts...) the room may fall to shambles again.


For now, I am enjoying picked up rooms and hoping some habits are established that will last longer than the chore chart!

Avoiding Meltdowns

If you are the mom of small children, you've been there.

The waiting room, the checkout lane, the dressing room, the restaurant. Really just about anywhere will do.

The natives get restless, tempers start to fly and embarrassing moments start to roll.

In my limited experience as a mom, I have learned to utilize games as a distraction when things start to go south in a public place. If I remember to use one before things get completely out of control, they really seem to help.

Here are a few that work in our family and a few that I haven't tried yet, but plan to when the situation presents itself!

1. I Spy - My kids love this one. I usually start them off, "I spy something red." The guesses start coming until someone can tell me what red thing I was thinking of. Sometimes we let the winner of each round start the next one, sometimes we take turns.

2. Silly stories - One person starts a story, but only shares one sentence or one paragraph. Then everyone takes turns adding on.

3. The Quiet Game - This one is easy, and for some reason, they love it! Whoever stays quiet the longest wins. Sometimes this lasts minutes and sometimes only seconds, but it seems to be a fun distraction and quiet is quiet!

4. Poor Puppy - I found this game in Linda Dillow and Claudia Arp's book Sanity in the Summertime. I haven't used it yet, but I think my kids would have fun with it! One person is the puppy - they get to make faces. The other players take turns patting the puppy and try to say "poor puppy" three times without laughing.

How about you? What do you do when the meltdowns loom at inconvenient locations? I would love to add a few more ideas to my arsenal, I'm learning there can never be too many!

How do you motivate little boys to pick up toys?

It's a puzzling question.

At least to me.

Mya never seemed to have a problem. I don't know if that is a first-born thing or a girl thing, probably a first-born thing.

Getting the boys to pick up their toys is like pulling teeth (not the loose ones, the permanent adult ones). It's a frustrating chore. Many times I'm tempted to just do it myself, but where would the lesson be in that.

I've helped them pick up toys (and ended up finishing the job myself) I've tried asking nicely. I've tried asking multiple times in a short period of time. I've even tried asking in a very loud voice.

I've threatened them with punishments. I've told them they can't leave their room until its picked up (they were in their room for 3 hours).

Last week I came up with a new scheme.

I asked them to pick up. When they didn't listen, I picked up the toys myself and then I took them away in a box and hid them...

for a week.

And, for a week their room was relatively picked up (mainly due to the fact that their toys were being held hostage in the utility room).

But today, their room is again a disaster area.

Which I asked them to pick up...

And they have not.

In fact, I hear water running in the bathroom as I write this.

Not a good sign my friends, not a good sign.

And so I will head up stairs, pull out a box and start packing the toys away, again.

Here's hoping round two is a little more successful.

I'm not holding my breath. :)

A Glorified Babysitter or Building Walls?

The comment was made at bible study last week, "I want to be more than a glorified babysitter."

Do you ever feel that way as a mom, like a glorified babysitter?

I do.

I had to think, what is the difference between a mom (or dad) and a glorified babysitter?

The answer I came up with was intentionality.

Intentionality in teaching my kids about Jesus. Intentionality in discipline. Intentionality in shaping their character.

Am I being intentional as I raise my kids?

Some days, but I could do better.

A friend once said that her goal is to build the walls of character and truth around her children in times of peace so that when the battles come they will stand strong.

I love the word picture that conjures up.

I want to do that, but sometimes I get lost in the how.

One idea our family wants to implement this year is "Family Night". Basically we want to take one night a week to teach our kids a biblical truth using object lessons and games (there are a lot of books available that make this idea a lot less intimidating). We want this to be a fun night (which means ice cream or some other fun treat is a must).

That is one idea, but I want more!

I would love to hear your thoughts. How are you intentionally building walls in times of peace around the heart of your child so they will stand strong when the battles come?

Do you like Dora?

Yesterday Mya got to pick out her backpack and lunchbox for school. It was a big day.

But as she was looking at the bags some thoughts started to cram their way into my brain.

She immediately saw the Dora backpack and said "That is the one I want."

I thought, "But what if the other girls think Dora is too babyish?"

Then she saw a Princess backpack and changed her mind.

I thought "Will the 'popular' girls like the princess backpack too? Will this help her fit in?"

She finally settled on a Hello Kitty backpack and a Strawberry Shortcake lunch box (the addition of a drink container was a heavy influencer in the lunch bag decision).

I thought "Did I influence her decision by my comments or lack thereof? Is this the one SHE really wants or am I imposing my preferences on her?"

Yikes! School hasn't even started and I'm already stressing out.

The thing is I don't want my daughter to be swayed by the crowd. I don't want her to worry about fitting in with the popular girls. I want her to make decisions based on what she likes and not what other people like.

However, as those thoughts bombarded me in the store I realized that I do want her to fit in. And a part of me wanted to "help" her make a decision based on what I perceived would be the most popular choice - since I know so much about kindergarten aged girls :). And all those feelings I had in school of wanting to be in the "popular" crowd came rushing back to me. It wasn't pretty.

I always wanted to fit in with the cool kids in school. Jr. High and my freshman year of high school were tough years. But then something miraculous happened. I became a Christian and suddenly I didn't care so much about what the other kids thought. I knew my life had worth regardless of which kids I hung out with. It was very freeing.

Not to say I don't continue to struggle with those insecurities and wanting to belong on some level. Some days are worse than others, but as a whole I like who God created me to be.

And I love who God created my daughter to be. I want her to get her worth from her Heavenly Father and not others. As Karen Ehman stated at She Speaks, "It is always best to be an original version of yourself than a cheap imitation of someone else." I want my daughter to live this. I want to live this.

I think the reason I want her to "fit in" is because I don't want her to be hurt. But getting hurt is inevitable (especially where young girls are involved). And honestly, how we react to "getting hurt" is what shapes us and develops character. It helps us be more compassionate. Which is another character trait I want my daughter to have. I am starting to realize how hard the job of mom is when it involves witnessing the "getting hurt" in your child's life.

I just hope that as her mom I can be a good example. That I won't let my fear of her getting hurt prevent me from encouraging her to be who God created her to be no matter what. That I can back her up and be a haven when the inevitable happens at school.

Double Yikes, this is a tough job and we've only bought the backpack!
Any advice from you seasoned moms out there?

Wise Words from John MacArthur

Mya starts kindergarten this fall. It feels like we are getting ready to graduate to the next level of parenting, and there are times when that feels hard.

I know that school will ultimately be a good thing and once we make the transition to our "new normal" it will be exciting. I am looking forward to watching Mya learn new things (like reading). She is ready and I am excited for her.

But I have my concerns. The main concern being that she will suddenly be bombarded by a host of other influences other than myself. A lot of these influences will be good, but some of them will go against what we are trying to teach her.

So, I was listening to a FamilyLife podcast on my ipod (side note: take my ipod and couple it with my favorite radio broadcasts and quiet kids - okay semi-quiet - or at least not screaming kids- and I am a happy woman!). The topic was "Teaching your kids to be Wise" and the guest was John MacArthur.

John was exhorting parents to teach their children to fear God and guard their child's heart. One thing he said struck a chord with me.

He said, "Primarily, guarding the mind is a function of the knowledge of the word of God. From the beginning we need to pour into our kids' hearts the Bible... In the end what protects the child is not that you don't ever let them get any bad information in, but that you fill them with what is true and that itself become the protection. "

I can't tell you the peace of mind that statement brought me. The reality is I will never be able to protect Mya from all the bad influences and ideologies that she will encounter in school and life. But, I can pour into her God's word and truth - that will be her protection.

It also reinforced to me the need to model what it looks like to be in the Word on a daily basis and protect myself from bad information (aka guard my own heart) by pouring God's word into my own life.

Parenting is not a job for the faint of heart. It is a responsibility that overwhelms me when I think of the magnitude of the task. That is why I am so thankful my Heavenly Father is there to guide me each step of the way. I can't imagine doing this job without Him.

A Quote for Today

I've been reading Mary DeMuth's Authentic Parenting in a Postmodern Culture. It is a great book - very relevant to parenting today. Anyway, I thought I'd share a quote with you which was a good reminder for me.

"We must remember that to pour life into the souls of our children, our own souls must be filled up first. You simply can't pour life and encouragement into your children if you are empty.

I'm reminded of the analogy of the starving baker. From morning to night, the baker busied himself with baking bread to feed hungry villagers. He saw only the night sky as he traveled to and from work. But he never took time to eat. So enmeshed in his task of feeding others, he forgot to take care of himself, eventually starving to death.

The American dream lures us to be starving bakers, but our need isn't bread, it's deep connection with Jesus. We run around all our lives, never stopping for refreshment. We wonder why our kids are stressed, why they aren't passionate about Jesus Christ. Perhaps we have lost our connection with God in our busyness, and they are simply mimicking us. Of course, they are responsible for their own relationships with Jesus. Of course, God is sovereign and can fill them despite our weariness. But as parents, we set the tone for our home. Constantly flurrying shows our children that life is more about running, running, running than it is about slowing down enough to hear the still quiet voice of God in the midst of life's chaos."

May you make time today to connect to the vine of Jesus and find refreshment for your soul.

"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30