Ready, set...

Spring is giving way to summer.

Another school season is in the final stage. The excitement of a new season is building.

Summer is almost here!

In the midst of all the "lasts," plans are underway. Preparations for the long, lazy days of summer. The Internet is scoured for sidewalk chalk games and other activities to prolong the inevitable "I'm bored's" that are bound to appear.

Chores planned. Book lists made. Beach towels washed and waiting. Summer sanity strategy in place.

It's almost go time. Ready or not.

The "other" Mother

Mother's Day has come and gone, and with it this year, came a fresh awareness of the "other" mother who has forever become a part of our lives as a result of adoption.

I am, of course referring to our adopted children's birth mom(s).

If I am honest, she is not in the forefront of my mind very often. I don't think about her as much as I maybe should. Or maybe that is a silly thing to think.

I am grateful for her. Without her, I would be missing two amazing blessings. When I do think about her, I pray for her. I sometimes wonder where she is and if she wonders where her child is. I want her to know her child is loved.

But her presence also worries me. I wonder what her impact will be on her child, my child. Will she be put on a pedestal and thought of as a queen? Will her absence be a constant reminder of abandonment and loss? She has an impact, but how will it manifest itself and how do we, the adoptive parents, navigate those waters?

Our daughter has been processing more of her story. Her China mommy is being brought up more. I am thankful she feels comfortable talking about her. We have tried to be intentional in giving her "permission" to discuss her birth mom, but it brings up those questions. If I am completely honest with myself, it can feel a little threatening.

What if she dreams her China mommy into a better momma than me? What if she wishes she was there instead of here? That would hurt.

I try not to linger on the "threat." After all, it is not about me.

Instead, I try to ask questions about how she is feeling. I wonder with her about her china mommy. I pull out her "gotcha day" video to watch again. I do what I can to help her process her past and love her in the here and now.

I don't do it perfectly. I have made so many mistakes, some of them hurtful. This is not an easy process with clear cut dos and don'ts. There is another mother in our lives. Her presence makes things tricky and sometimes I don't know how to handle it.

But this I know, we are mother and daughter. It may be messy, but we are on this journey together; and we will walk it together.

My daughter has two mothers. I am the one who gets to watch her grow. I don't want to forget the one who gave her life.

Inspiration from E.B. White

Because I love this picture and his words...

“All that I hope to say in books, all that I ever hope to say, is that I love the world.” 
― E.B. White

“A library is a good place to go when you feel unhappy, for there, in a book, you may find encouragement and comfort. A library is a good place to go when you feel bewildered or undecided, for there, in a book, you may have your question answered. Books are good company, in sad times and happy times, for books are people - people who have managed to stay alive by hiding between the covers of a book.” 
― E.B. White

“If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.” 
― E.B. White

“Always be on the lookout for the presence of wonder.” 
― E.B. White

Love on The Office

I was/am a fan of The Office. Was because I'm really more of a Michael Scott in the office kind of fan. He made the show funny. The last few seasons have been painful and not funny. I was going to stop watching, but then they said this was the last season. And there is still Jim and Pam.

I love Jim and Pam, but even they have been lackluster as of late. They have marriage problems, Jim doesn't prank Dwight anymore, and there is no Michael.

But I kept with the show, much to Kory's dismay. I am loyal like that.

And then they went and totally surprised me. Did you see the "Paper Airplanes" episode?

Confession: The Office has brought me to tears twice (well maybe three times). The most memorable was Michael Scott's final episode. Then there was the episode where Jim and Pam finally start dating. And the third time was the end of the paper airplane episode. It aired on 4/26, but we didn't watch it until this weekend. We are a little behind.

It caught me off guard. I am not going to get into the story line because if you watched it, your with me and if you didn't you have probably stopped reading. But, to hear scripture in the form of 1 Corinthians 13 being read and then in the following episode to have Jim live that scripture out in a major sacrificial way... really cool and crazy as this sounds considering I am talking about The Office, really moving.

I love the way they portrayed the choice to love, because it is not a message you often see coming out of Hollywood. Well done writers.

Two more episodes until the series is officially over. We'll see how tonight goes, but I've got to say I am actually looking forward to it.

Although, I still miss Michael Scott.

What do you do with Impossible Dreams?

Last summer Mya took tennis lessons and at some point during that time Suhn asked the question, "When I get older can I take tennis lessons too?"

This is a question I am not sure how to answer.

For those of you who don't know, Suhn has cerebral palsy and at this point in time needs a walker to get from place to place. Although she is making HUGE strides and has started walking around our house without her walker, she still has a ways to go before she can get around without it. Honestly, she may always need some kind of "help" to get around (whether that be a walker or crutches or something else). Time will tell.

The realist in me wants to tell her she will probably never be able to play tennis.

But at the same time, what if someday she can?

Do I quench what I think is an impossible dream or do I give what could be a false hope?

It is a question I wrestle with all the time. It is one of the hard things about having a child with a special need.

Last week at Summit 9, I received a burst of inspiration in the form of a 19 year old named George  Dennehy. George was born in Romania with no arms and adopted by a US family at the age of 1. George's mom saw that he had a gift for music and at the age of 8 signed him up for cello lessons.

Did you catch that. He has no arms and his mom signed him up for cello lessons. He learned to play with his feet.

At Summit, George played Amazing Grace for us on the guitar with his feet. I was blown away.

It brought up the question, if I had been George's mom, would I have signed my son with no arms up for cello lessons? I don't think I would have. It would have fallen into the "impossible dream" category for me. I would have encouraged him to pursue something a little more possible and I would have robbed the world of a huge blessing.

I'm sure there is still a place for the realist in me as we navigate these waters with our daughter, BUT after hearing George's story I want to be slow to say she can't.  Because, with a lot of hard work, maybe she can.

Or maybe she will start to put in the work and realize that dream, whatever it may be, is not something she wants to pursue. It will be her decision to stop.

Realistic or not, I don't want to be a dream killer. I want to be like George's mom and be willing to sign my kids up for cello lessons, even if it appears to be an impossible feat.

After all, we serve a God who delights in making impossible dreams come true and I don't want to get in the way of that.

I Won. You Can Too!

When I attend conferences, one of my favorite things to do is visit every booth in the exhibit hall and learn about all the organizations that are represented.

 Yeah, not really.

But, two years ago my sister won an iPad as the result of a little contest one of my favorite conferences, Orphan Summit put on. They provided a list of all the exhibitors and told us that if you could convince 20 exhibitors to initial your list, you could win something.

I wasn't planning on attempting this great and noble feat, but I had a 4 year old who was tired of sitting in workshops and a sister who thought she would win. Her dream was contagious.

The end result: I found myself wandering up and down the exhibit hall aisles. Aisles filled with booths from really great organizations doing amazing things all over the world to help orphans. As we walked we subtlety tried to catch exhibitors eyes and coerce them to sign our paper.

Besides learning that every single person in the orphan care community has some link to Zambia, I managed to obtain 20 sets of initials. And thus, found myself entered in a contest to win a prize.

Low and behold, they called my name. I did not win the iPad, but I did win a children's book entitled Walter's Flying Bus by Ed Strauss and Josiah Thiesen.

Walter's Flying Bus is a special book. It is the story of a boy in Uganda and his friends. They each have a dream and a special gift that turns an abandoned bus into a vehicle that delivers each one to their forever families.

Even better, this book is available as an interactive e-book that you can buy as an iPhone/iPad app for only $.99 (for a limited time).

It is amazing. Seriously, I LOVE the app and so do my kids. It is a prime example of how art can be used to inspire and change lives; and it is a great way to expose and inspire your own kids. A way to plant a seed in their hearts to care for and love on the orphaned.

To top it all off, 100% of the after-tax profits from the app sales go towards efforts helping special needs orphans around the world.

So while I may have "won" at Summit 9 this year, you can win too. And help orphans at the same time. And if you share this with your friends, they can win too!

It's a win-win-win-win-win. :)

Light and Happy Endings

I never watched the season 3 finale of Downton Abbey. I heard rumors, spoilers, of what may or may not have happened. The penultimate episode of season 3 ended on such a great note, a happy ending. I've decided that is the ending I want. 

So I didn't watch the final episode and I'm not sure if I ever will (at least until season 4 comes out). 

Call it denial. 

I'm okay with that. I want my happy ending!

Sometimes I wish I could fix the endings in real life as easily. If I stay inside, concentrate on my family, block out the rest of the world, then maybe I can pretend away the hard, painful things. If I ignore them they don't exist.

But life doesn't work that way. I only have to take one step out of my front door to find people struggling with hard things. Hurt is all around us. 

And while the hurt and pain can make the world look like an awfully dark place, it also creates a greater opportunity for the light to shine. Jesus did not hide from the painful, ugly things of the world. He walked right up to them and offered a hand. He brought light. He is light.

It is easier to ignore the pain, but as a Christ-follower, that is not what we are called to.

We are to be the light. 

I'm not always sure what this looks like in real life. What does it mean to be light? While the doing may look different in every situation, the motivation I think is the same. I think it looks like love.

Love that comes from knowing Christ and spills out of us as light. Love directed by the Holy Spirit as a prompt to bring a meal or babysit or pray. It means getting out of your comfort zone, getting your hands dirty, and hurting with those who hurt. 

The world is full of darkness. We need to let a little light shine.

This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine.

Hide it under a bushel, no, I'm going to let it shine.

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.