Monday, June 23, 2008

He Speaks, I listen (sometimes)

What a weekend! I had the opportunity to travel to Charlotte, NC with my sister this past weekend for Proverbs 31's She Speaks conference. I went expecting a "message from God." I went expecting to hear from Him at the conference. And I did, although not in the way I expected.

On the first day of the conference I felt Him prompting me to do something outside of my comfort zone, it was not a big thing. It was not even that far out of the zone (like maybe an inch outside). But I said no. And it bugged me the rest of the weekend.

On Saturday night, I visited the prayer room. In the prayer room tables were set up that held papers with the different names of God and the names of all the conference attendees. I went to look for my name and walked right to it. It was on a page that said "The Lord of the hosts of heaven will always fulfill His purposes, even when the hosts of His earthly people fail." It spoke peace to me immediately.

Today during my quiet time I looked up the verses that were listed underneath those words. Malachi 1:10, 13 spoke to me. They say

Oh, that one of you would shut the temple doors, so that you would not light useless fires on my alter!... When you bring injured crippled or diseased animals and offer them as sacrifices, should I accept them from your hands?, says the Lord.

I think that is the state of my heart. I offer "sacrifices" that don't inconvenience me or make me uncomfortable. I offer only the things that I can give while still keeping up "appearances". But, I am not willing to give the best offerings, to make the true sacrifices and so I light a "useless fire" and offer him the "crippled animals." I obey Him when it is convenient and when I don't look like a fool in the process.

That is not how I want to live. I want to experience God in big ways and small ones. And that involves obedience. Honestly, I don't have a lot of confidence that I will obey him the next time he nudges me. So I will just plead for mercy and grace, which He always seems to have enough of, and rest in the knowledge that His purposes are always fulfilled, even when his people fail.

And now I am feeling very tired, so I think I am going to take advantage of my quiet house and take a nap. I will be posting pictures later. And telling stories. And introducing you to my new friends (one of the biggest blessings of the conference!).


emily freeman said...

I just wish we would have had more time together so I could have heard more about all of that in person :)

Taylor said...

Megan, I appreciate your post. I too have struggled so much with this. While I try in my own life to obey Him constantly, he too often puts me in situations where I want to say no too....and there was a time that I would never step outside what was comfortable, but today I love when he gets me "bent" for Him, as it allows me to demonstate my love and surrender to him - after all he has done for me. In my short time since my second/final conversion, I have been more willing to follow where He leads. Let me just say that it has been hard to do, but when I say yes, He has blessed my life so much more than I can even explain, and once I have passed through these things, when I look back, a) I am glad I have done it and b) it wasn't as aweful as I (satan) made it out to be. I think Erin, my summer nanny/live-in, has been one of those extraordinary gifts b/c of my obedience to saying yes. I hope that helps/encourages you! Good Luck! I can't wait to hear you say yes!

Jami said...

Megan - I love you!

Genny said...

I was just reading about She Speaks a couple of days ago. How wonderful that you were able to go, and it sounds like it was a powerful weekend. Your post is so honest and heartfelt. I'll be back to see pictures and hear more about it.

Katie said...

What a great experience for you and Jami

Samantha @ the Listener's post said...

Megan! It was so amazing to meet you and hang out with you some this weekend! I hate that we didn't get to say good-bye. I'm really looking forward to keeping in touch! Let me know when you get that fourth season of Lost...I'll pretend like I just saw it for the first time too so you can have the whole chat experience without spoilers. ;)

This is a great post, by the way!

In Him,
Sam @ theListenerspost

Jessica said...

What a great post...I appreciate your openness and honesty towards listening to the Lord. Why is it so hard to do what He prompts us to do? We know He always has our best in mind and is calling us to grow in the process of being uncomfortable, but it is just...well, so uncomfortable...I love you Megan and have always appreciated your soft heart.

Renata said...

Thanks for this post, Meg! I also struggle with the same thing & I needed this challenge.
Renata :)