What a weekend! I had the opportunity to travel to Charlotte, NC with my sister this past weekend for Proverbs 31's She Speaks conference. I went expecting a "message from God." I went expecting to hear from Him at the conference. And I did, although not in the way I expected.
On the first day of the conference I felt Him prompting me to do something outside of my comfort zone, it was not a big thing. It was not even that far out of the zone (like maybe an inch outside). But I said no. And it bugged me the rest of the weekend.
On Saturday night, I visited the prayer room. In the prayer room tables were set up that held papers with the different names of God and the names of all the conference attendees. I went to look for my name and walked right to it. It was on a page that said "The Lord of the hosts of heaven will always fulfill His purposes, even when the hosts of His earthly people fail." It spoke peace to me immediately.
Today during my quiet time I looked up the verses that were listed underneath those words. Malachi 1:10, 13 spoke to me. They say
Oh, that one of you would shut the temple doors, so that you would not light useless fires on my alter!... When you bring injured crippled or diseased animals and offer them as sacrifices, should I accept them from your hands?, says the Lord.
I think that is the state of my heart. I offer "sacrifices" that don't inconvenience me or make me uncomfortable. I offer only the things that I can give while still keeping up "appearances". But, I am not willing to give the best offerings, to make the true sacrifices and so I light a "useless fire" and offer him the "crippled animals." I obey Him when it is convenient and when I don't look like a fool in the process.
That is not how I want to live. I want to experience God in big ways and small ones. And that involves obedience. Honestly, I don't have a lot of confidence that I will obey him the next time he nudges me. So I will just plead for mercy and grace, which He always seems to have enough of, and rest in the knowledge that His purposes are always fulfilled, even when his people fail.
And now I am feeling very tired, so I think I am going to take advantage of my quiet house and take a nap. I will be posting pictures later. And telling stories. And introducing you to my new friends (one of the biggest blessings of the conference!).