Thursday, August 05, 2010

When the days are long.

One step forward, 4 steps back.

That is how this past week has felt. In some ways it feels like we are back at the beginning, that first hard week.

Realistically it is better.

She is attaching to me, which is good. On the other hand, when Kory gets home from work and I NEED a kiddie break the tears start (more like continue) to flow because she doesn't want Kory.

We've had lots of tears. Her. Me. Sean. Her again.

Sometimes all it takes is for Sean to enter the room.

She is so fragile. I understand that. She has had to deal with more in 2.5 years than many people have to deal with in a lifetime.

But it makes the days long.

I wish I could say I've been the perfect model of love and patience.

I can't.

Some days you might mistake me for the wicked stepmother. I feel like a villain.

Thankfully, other days I feel supernatural doses of love and patience flow my way, spilling over to Suhn and everyone else.

It's a process. A hard process.

I've been told nothing worth having comes easy.

Suhn is SO WORTH HAVING. She is worth the tears and frustrations. And so much more. She is our sweet China baby and she was meant to be a part of our family. Praise God!

I am thankful for the struggle. It is teaching me to love more. The real "love is patient love is kind" type of love. It has shoved my weaknesses into my face forcing me to depend on my Father and give thanks that His mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness.

The days might be long for us right now, but no worries, we are in the good, safe, strong hands of our Savior. By his grace we are working through the hard, relishing the good and looking hopefully toward the days to come.

13 comments:

Sarah said...

Oh man, I am guessing from reading all your posts over the last weeks that you and I have a lot in common! Change comes so hard for me and adding another child to your family (especially a 2.5 year old!) is a HUGE shift in gears!

Hang in there - you are not alone!

Appreciate your honesty - it's so refeshing!!!

Emily said...

oh i so hear you megs-- esp the wicked stepmother/love overflowing. there are days where i think i must be the worst mother in the world- and i am the antithesis of galations 5:22-23. those are the das that i mother in MY strength- where i depend upon ME. when i just give it to HIM- those are the good days (or moments-- heck- sometimes it's just a fleeting minute!) thank God for his grace upon me and my failings. having done this 2x before-- the 1st month home is BRUTAL!!!! and each month after it just gets better. a year from now-- you will be amazed at how much your family has changed- because it is the entire family that changes:) love you girl!!!!! wish i could hug you..sniff.sniff

smw said...

i'll pick up the prayer pace. love ya!

Llama Momma said...

Grace.

Praying still.

Michelle Parker said...

I am encouraged to read your post, Megan, because for days now the Lord has brought you and your family to my mind at the strangest times. He is so good to care for His own! What a privilege it is to pray for you and the other families in your group who have recently adopted.

My husband and I only have two children (4 1/2 and 14 months), but I remember the first few months after our Zoe was born. We were delighted to have her in our family, blessed to overflowing, but it was SO hard adjusting. I just kept praying and longing for things to settle, to get into a routine and to finally find our new "normal".

I'll be praying that for you guys too! It will happen!!! :-) One day at a time!

Daish said...

Meg, I've been praying for you, and I was when you were over in China (my computer was broke). I was hating it that I couldn't leave comments on your blog. I could've used another computer, huh. Love you.

Sissy said...

I can't imagine what it is like to add a fifth child into your house, one that has had to go through so much. Praying for you.

The Wuthrichs said...

You just said it all so perfectly...

Does it help to know you're not alone in these musings?

If so, I'm living proof you're not! :)

I think the single hardest thing has been trying to be understanding, loving, and looooonnngggg-suffering in meeting each child just where they are...and they all have such very different, yet very urgent and crucial needs.

And there just doesn't seem to be enough mommy to go around some days.

Hang in there friend - and God be with you each new day. (And it really does get better!!!!)

Missy @ It's Almost Naptime said...

Oh, Meg! I wish I could pop over for a cup of coffee - or better yet, a glass of wine!! But all I can offer is prayers. It will get better and soon this will be just a hard memory! Although you probably won't remember it anyway, since you are so tired :)

Kasey said...

We're praying Megan. You really sound like you have a great attitude about the refining process. Thanks for your honesty and your example. Love you!

Kirk and Keri Plattner said...

Thanks for sharing so openly, Megan. I will pray. Your journey has really spoken so much to my heart.

Christi said...

I so appreciate your transparency Megan!

We are continuing to pray for you guys...

Our Journey to Grace said...

LIfting you up Megan, I can not imagine the place you are in but praying you feel the warmth of God's sweet smile, as each day as you rest your head upon your pillow, even on the hard days, even on the days you missed, he still smiles and says well done my good and faithful servant, well done. God does not look at how many more hard days are ahead but rather counts down until you see the rainbow at the end of this storm - the most beautiful rainbow awaits you and it could not come without the rain. He is your covering though my friend!