Tuesday, February 23, 2010
I feel antsy and restless, unsettled.
I know many of you who read this blog have experienced this feeling. The knowing you have a child on the other side of the world that you can't go get.
I feel an obsessive compulsive need to stay near my laptop, just in case my computer dings with news or additional instructions from our agency. The desire to do something, even immigration paperwork, is strong. The hope that somehow our file will move through the system faster than any file ever before sending us to China in record time can't help but creep into my thoughts and prayers.
Three to five months is not a long time. I have friends who have had to wait so much longer, but on this side of the waiting, it feels like an eternity and I find myself secretly wishing the time away.
It takes too much effort to learn from, even *gasp* relish, the waiting. My head whispers the positives of the next few months, the lessons that could be learned... but my heart shouts back, "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!"
Thankfully, I hear another whisper from the One my soul loves, "Patience child, my timing is best." and in my heart I know He's right. And, for the moment, I turn away from the laptop and get back to the living that is going on around me.
The waiting can be a hard thing to unwrap. I am learning it is an exercise of trust in the One who holds time in His hands. That doesn't make it easy, but it does bring peace and purpose and miraculously makes the waiting worthwhile.