An exciting announcement was delivered to my inbox today. Our dossier (as of yesterday afternoon) is on its way to China!
This means it passed the inspection of our agency and has been translated.
In 3 -5 days our agency's representative in China will hand deliver those precious documents to the CCAA (China Center of Adoption Affairs).
Then we wait for the CCAA to "log-in" our dossier - typically within four weeks of receipt.
And then we wait again; only this wait has a picture at the end of it. We wait to see the precious face of our daughter for the first time!
With each milestone the fact that we are working towards bringing a little girl, our little girl home, becomes a little more real. Most days I am excited about this prospect. I dream about and pray for our little one.
But there are some days when the fear and insecurities creep in and I start to question everything. I wonder if she will really feel like she is ours. I wonder if we are doing the right thing. I question my motives. I worry that our life will get too hard. I get scared.
In the midst of those moments I feel paralyzed.
Deep down, I don't think the fear and the unknowns ever leave. But even deeper down, the assurance that we are on the path God has placed us doesn't leave either.
I know God has a heart for the orphan. I know that he desires for every child to have a home. I want to be a part of that.
Yes the fear is there. Yes it will be hard.
But, He will be there with us. And as much as that sounds like "the right thing to say", it is the truth and I'm clinging to it.
So we keep moving forward on this adoption journey he has placed us on and I'm excited (and a little fearful) to say we are one step closer.