The rest of the day…Suhn cried off and on the entire day. I did too. Kory, our rock, tried to comfort us both.
She does seem to be attaching to Kory. She wants nothing to do with me.
Monday she would allow me to comfort her, but by Tuesday night she would just push me away.
My head tells me her grief is healthy. It IS a good thing. It tells me that it is also normal/common for the dad to be the “chosen one.” But rejection is hard even when it is not personal.
We have two more days in Zhengzhou before we move on to the next stage of our trip. Two days with little to do.
Thank you for your comments and prayers. Especially from the BTDTs. They give me hope which I need right now because I feel at a total loss of what to do.
My mom e-mailed me the following verses from Psalm 41. Exactly what I need to hear. I am clinging to them.
“Blessed is he that considers the poor: the Lord will deliver him in time of trouble. The Lord will preserve him and keep him alive; and he shall be blessed upon the earth: and thou will not deliver him unto the will of his enemies. The Lord will strengthen him upon the bed of languishing.”
27 comments:
i love you mego. hang in there. you've got an army over here praying for you guys.
we are praying for you and for Suhn the Lord knits together all of the delicate details so we do not need to worry.
Megan - praying for all of you, esp. for sweet little Suhn. Mike and Barb
I cried reading your blog. My prayers are with you all now and as you travel home. God knows what He's doing!
Renee S.
Praying still.
I wish I could tell you how OFTEN you all cross my mind and heart - we'll keep praying.
Phil 2:13 has become a "life verse" for me lately. As I was just thinking/praying for you guys this afternoon, it kind of hit me how in so many ways, it can be your verse too right now.
"For God is working in you, giving you the desire AND THE POWER to do what pleases Him."
Praying that you and Kory can feel His strength for each day and Suhn can feel the desire to draw to you.
Thinking of you and praying for you! In the darkest moments I once in a while remember that I would still do this all over because it is right. Love you. J
Oh, Meg. Think of how often we reject the Father, not understanding his love for us!! Tell him. He gets it.
But when we realize how great his love for us is...our love for him has no bounds.
This will be you and Suhn soon.
Love, Mis
Oh, Megan. I've been thinking of you constantly wondering how it's been going. I can relate in a way few others can, although I know
Suhn's grief is that much deeper and her memory much longer- we had such a similar experience with Charis. My two weeks of experience : ) tells me that it does end although it is so hard living through it. It is such a healthy thing as you know, but definitely the hard part of adoption. Love ya and we're praying!
dude- come on over to 316- not much happiness here either- we've bright moments- but nothing like the other families.. it will come-- amy rejected jim for 2 weeks and then BAM- she loved him.
ps-- i've got chocolate!
em;)
Megan, Oh I wish Suhn could know the love that is in store for her... the warm, happy home... permanent home. I was a nanny for little Jack from 6 weeks to age 4 while I lived with his parents in Chicago. I literally did not think I could handle the heartbreak of leaving Jack and seeing him grieve at my leaving when I got married. I am so sad for all of you grieving and will pray for the One who binds up the broken-hearted to bring peaceful and full healing soon!
Blessings, Tricia Zaugg
continueing to pray and pray! we love you.
-bek
i love reading all the comments from your prayer warriors. we are standing with you. you are not alone. i sent you an email with more. i love you megan. the Lord has GREAT things ahead, of this I'm sure. He who calls you is faithful!!
Oh, Megan, my heart goes out to you. I have been in your shoes, and I know it's SO difficult! Our daughter really "shut down" emotionally when we got her - she didn't smile for almost a month, didn't walk for even longer (except the first day to walk away from me in the hotel room!). I was scared and so worried, not knowing what the end result would be and how long the process would take, wondering what we should be doing, etc.! But the Lord healed in his time and in his way, and today she is a happy, delightful girl. You will get there. It may take longer than you'd like, and the process may be uncertain and difficult, but in the long run this time will be but a "blip on the screen" of your life together with your sweet daughter. Prepare your mind and heart for the "long haul"; trust in the Lord and lean on his wisdom and goodness. HE has brought you together and has equipped you to be Suhn's forever mom. I am praying for your strength and endurance and for your daughter's precious heart!
Denise Klopfenstein
Okay guys...first of all...She is GORGEOUS! So wonderful to see her in your arms! WOW! Bless her heart! It is so good that she is grieving. She has been loved well and we praise our Great God for that!! Now...this is for sweet mama Megan...
Megan...remember that she doesn't think that she needs you, but she needs you most. She lost her "mama" again, and she is not ready to give that spot to you, but you can force yourself on her. Remember that her emotional age is set back to zero. So to help her attach, you, the mama, need to be the primary caregiver, even if she doesn't want you. You need to be the one to comfort her, give her food, drink, baths, gifts, toys, clothes, hold her hand, etc. I encourage you to keep finding ways for you to be the primary caregiver even if she wants Kory. And Kory really needs to be directing her to you as much as possible. He can help with her adjustment, but it will only delay her attachment if she doesn't attach to you first. Remember the circle of attachment - needs to be the mama, then the dad, the kids, then extended family and others. I know you need the help, but as much as possible, try to be the one who meets her needs.I want to encourage you to set aside alone time with her today. Take her on a walk. Go and have a treat together, sing to her, buy her a new toy. She may throw an incredible fit to see Daddy leave the room, or leave the room without daddy, but really she NEEDS you. The enemy knows she needs you. he will fight against the two of you forming any kind of attachment and bond. Hold her, take away Kory as the option as much as you can. I realize she may fight this and you may feel like you are making it worse for her, but she will come around. Megan, I know this is hard. I know you don't feel like you can emotionaly or physicaly puch through. Honey, I had my head in the toilet crying so hard I was physicaly ill when Haddie rejected me. It is not easy, it is a battle, but I encourage you to remember that you have everything you need for vicory! I am crazy about you guys! You are doing this, YOU CAN DO THIS and we are warrioring for you here!!!
Love, Amy
What you are going through has to be so so hard, disappointing, hurtful and exhausting. Praying for a breakthrough.
praying for you guys!!!
Thinking of you and keeping you in our prayers.
Megan, we are standing with you in prayer. I think about you so often. Praying the Lord will comfort Suhn in her grieving too.
Love you friend!
First I want to say what a beautiful family you are.
I know all too well how this feels and how as much as you try to rationalize and understand.... it really hurts. She will come around to let you in, but she needs to grieve first. Our daughter wanted nothing to do with me so much that she would reach for any male in site rather than let me hold her! We let her direct while in China and did not push too hard. We would let her see me fixing her bottle and those kind of things.
Once home you will be able to take over primary caregiver duties and she will learn what a wonderful Mom she has. Also keep praying out loud with her listening. She needs to hear that this is IT- no more changes!
Best to you and your family,
Joanie
Mom of Ramzie (Hubei) and Meina(Henan)
We are praying, Megan! Hang in there. What a wealth of knowledge and support you have from your adoptive circle! Love you guys!!!
We are praying that things will look up! You are living the will of the Father and He will provide for you!! We are lifting you up, my dear friends!! We love you so much!
How wonderful! I can't wait to meet her in person. She's just beautiful. She will get through this tough period. Hold her close but God closer. Lisa C
It is a joy to pray for those we love, and we are.
I'm enjoying reading the advice of those who have been there in your situation. Satan loves to make you feel "alone" when you are struggling. It is so reassuring that you are not. Most of all, God is holding and growing you and His church is praying.
How did things go today?
Love Missy
As a mother of two adopted children (one international), I can tell you that providing consistent love, affection and patience will pay off. I know it's hard not to be "the chosen one" but it is a REALLY good sign that she is willing to attach to one of you.
And if it's any consolation at all--again, this coming from an adoptive parent--all three of my children reject me at some poing during the day, refusing to let me comfort them or encourage them. To some degree, this is just a normal childhood response.
You can do this. God is totally with you. I will pray for you today as you bond with your sweet new daughter.
Blessings,
Sandy
P.S. Missy sent me here. :)
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